Dog’s Blog #119

Think poor old Mom is losing it a bit, you know. She needs to get out more.

She chats away to me like I’m a person and can understand.

 I can, of course, but that is beside the point entirely. We understand each other perfectly – in fact, sometimes she does not even have to say a single word and I know exactly what she’s thinking.

You, on the other hand, are probably having a cynical snort and thinking – oh yeah – like what?

Hmmm… like I put my paws on her leg when she’s busy tik tiking away and she bends down and smooches my nose. I sniffle around in her hair a bit – like the way it tickles my snout. She looks at me with big eyes. I know she’s thinking she’d much rather be playing ball with me outside on the grass but she has to get this bit finished before she can move her butt one single inch. I slope off to the couch and sulk. Patience Fudge – she says to me– in a while. Blergh. Those ‘whiles’ can be very long.

Or… I look at her, then glance at the washing machine.

She flashes her fangs and says OK Fudgie wena. A quick one.

I flash fangs back.

Am not really looking at the washing machine of course – am looking in the direction of the door to the garage, where they stash my football. Off she goes, gets the ball and we play footie for a few minutes. Not long enough but better than nothing.

Sometimes I just have to sigh rather loudly and she leaps up going oh my gosh I’m sorry Fudges – it’s a whole hour past your supper time. Yah! Like I’m so starving my backbone is leaning on my tummy skin already. Am about to ring up the SPCA and lodge a complaint. Have no clue what a whole hour is but it certainly is one huge big lot!

If I’m really lucky she’s forgotten to cook my chicken bits and then has to open up a tin of that gourmet dog dinner instead. Yum.

Plus – she chats to me when we go on our morning rounds in the complex. Now this is really not cool. For two reasons. The first – am too busy sniffing up the news to listen to her yabbering, plus am having my own chats to the mutts behind the doors. Not always friendly conversations either, and the level of yapping is a tad loud.

Secondly, even I, the hound, have noticed that if people catch her talking to me, they look at her oddly. Clearly most sane bodies do not simply chat to their canines in a calm, friendly, normal tone, whilst enjoying a morning stroll.

Seems to me they either ignore them, yanking the leash in the direction they want to walk in, never mind the poor dog. (And lets furry face it – who is the walk for? The human or the dog?)

Or they yell. Our neighbors’ are always yelling at their mutts –SHURRRRRUUPPPP Marly – reverberates in the air.

Jeez lady! Your dog’s not deaf you know – you don’t have to use such capital letters. Yelling at us does not help – not one bit. In fact, it makes us confuzzled and we are likely to do the complete opposite.

A nice firm tone works much better.

Mom never shouts at me. She always speaks nicely – not even when I ate the couch or messed up their room. Heh heh! Too cool – she gets mad and uses capital letters on Alpha if he ever shouts at me!

He says I’m a spoilt brat. What rot! That is not one bit true. I’m a Fudge.

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