Ralph the pain in the ass cat

Ralphie was basking in the sun…

Seeing as he’d spent the whole night glued to my chest, snoring, preventing me from moving or turning over, I thought he was not really the one in need of a nap… so I gave his tum a tickle to wake him up!

He squirmed, wriggled and looked a bit like a furry snake with ears…

Daring me to tickle his tum again so he could snag my hand and rip my fingers to shreds. Daft cat…I’m not that stupid.

In case you are wondering what is wrong with his nose… he’s a dirty little weasel. His nose seems to lead the way wherever he goes (duh! but you know what I mean) and is constantly dirty and full of scrapes and dents.  Edge Kitty had a go at it the other day too. Not sure what Ralph did to provoke him, but he scuttled inside with a flap of skin missing from his nose.

I clean it with hibertane every so often (which he loathes) and then he looks like a fancy cat… for about 10 minutes!

The other day we had a dude coming for a braai – not somebody I know – he’d been imported from Holland to fix one of my lovely husband’s babies at work and Chris took pity on him sitting in his guest house alone.  (I wasn’t entirely sure that he would feel happy eating food that the cat had made… you know what they say… what you don’t know doesn’t bother you.)

Ralph was sitting on the counter supervising my salad making. He’d had his dinner, plus a few more pellets and an illicit drop of milk, but still he was hanging around.

I asked him politely to get off the counter.

He looked at me like I was crazy.

So I gently moved him onto the couch.

He jumped straight back onto the counter – typical cat fashion – let’s piss off mom when she’s in a hurry!

Every so often he would stalk across the bit where I was working (and he knows damn well he’s not allowed on) and eye out the potato salad. He’s not a potato fan… but this day he looked like he was going to bury his head in the bowl and snarf down the lot.

He kept sticking his whiskers into the grated cheese too. He’s not fond of cheese either (although Edge, on the other hand, will scoff a whole cheese sarmie given half the chance – bread and all).

Eventually I had a good idea… Oh Ralphie, I exclaimed. Lets clean your nose!

I headed off to the cupboard when I keep the stuff.


He was gone in a flash.

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